Sunday, September 11, 2016

We Are Family....

So, I have MS. I think I mentioned it before in one of my three other blog posts, but yeah.

I was diagnosed at 36. Getting the diagnosis was the biggest shock in the world, because I honestly had not even went to the doctor for that.

Since I can remember, and even as a small child, I have had headaches. They started when I was young, and I can't remember how old I was, but I think 6 months old is when it started. Yeah, you doubt it, but I had a wicked case of chicken pox. Like, in my ears, my mouth, my throat, on my tonsils, top of throat, feet, hands.....you name it, they were there. I ran a stupid high fever. The fever wasn't stupid, the level of how high it was. My mom says she sat on the couch and waited for me to die. She also says if I had been her first kid, I would have been her last. Awwww, can you feel that motherly love just wash over you?? Me either.

Anywho, high fevers, now I get headaches like a bitch. Hormones don't make them any better, but birth control doesn't help either. I suffered through them, thanks to lack of insurance, and from the amount of doubt I had that there was anything that COULD be done for them. I basically threw handfuls of ibuprofen, Advil Migraine, caffeine, whatever I could to make them stop. Up until about age 34...that worked ok. I mean, between all the alcohol I drank, and the IB I took, I'm sure my liver is like FUCK YOU ENOUGH ALREADY, but hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

So they got really bad, started having vision issues, sleep issues, and no matter how much medicine I threw at them, they wouldn't stop.

That's when they started to effect my work life. I had to call in to work a few times, I ran out of sick time, my boss got concerned, yada yada. So then, I just had to work through the pain. For anyone who lives with chronic migraines, you know what I'm talking about.

Then, I moved to Louisville, KY, and all hell broke loose...inside my head. For starters, Louisville is an amazing city. It is seriously the most awesome place I have ever lived. They have a ton of culture, art, history, and pollen....mold....other allergens that made a my pretty much non existent allergies when I lived ANYWHERE else go on RED ALERT. Yeah, I pretty much thought I was going to die. After weeks of just suffering, 6 to be exact, I had had enough, and I drug myself into an urgent care facility begging for relief. After seeing how severe I was, think pulse in the 40's, and just basically a walking zombie, they rushed me back to an exam room. The doctor gave me a pain shot, referred me straight to a neurologist, and sent me on my merry way.

The neurologist meets me and starts me on their normal migraine starter cocktail, which consisted of three different medications, did a ton of blood work, and scheduled me for MRI's to rule out any abnormalities....but, and I quote, "we never really find anything, but we just want to be sure." After the blood work came back and I was not only borderline anemic, I was also both B12 and VitD deficient, severely she said. I started immediately doing 50,000 units of VitD a week, and Iron and B12 supplements daily. At this point, the migraines aren't better, but at least I have some medication to combat them in the form of Sumatriptan....oh, and please don't get me started on the gross injustice that is the insurance restriction on these types of medications that only allow 9 pills a month. 9.....fricken bite my migrainey ass.

So, by this point, I have been to the MRI, I'm still having headaches, but it's been over 3 weeks since I had went for the test, so I have pretty much assumed by this point that they found nothing.  When I was in my Freshman year of highschool, I had an awesome teacher named Mr. Russell. At some point in class, he taught us an amazing lesson. You know what happens when you assume?

ASS/U/ME
you make an ASS out of U and ME.

Yeah, he was wise...because imagine my surprise when my doctor calls and you can tell she is upset. She asks me to sit down, and wants to know if I'm at work. I told her I was at home, and to just tell me what was going on....and that's when she started to apologize for not reviewing my test results sooner, that she had no idea that something like this would have been on them...but she needed to get me into the office as soon as possible because my MRI showed that I have, and probably have for a bit, Multiple Sclerosis, and right now I have an active lesion on my brain that they need to start treating immediately. 

I won't bore you with the roller coaster that was my life from the moment she said that, but let me tell you, it takes you for a ride. 

Why am I bringing all this up? Well, we had the local MS Walk this weekend in Elizabethtown, and my sweet, adorable family drove down just to see me, and support me. My nieces even made a sign. They are killing me. 


That's my nieces, and my sister.....and well, I loves them. 

We are family.



Sunday, August 14, 2016

When it rains....

You know the saying, when it rains it pours....

I don't like how true it is. I mean, it's cliche' as fuuuuuuuu, but it does seem to happen that way.
I can't help to think that maybe it's the mindset that we, as people, get into when things start to go wrong in our lives. Kind of like that, what you put out into the universe, comes back to you tenfold, it's like that. We think that because one thing went wrong, everything is going to go wrong, and we kind of will it to happen because we are looking for everything to go wrong.

All I know is right now, I'm unhappy. More than I have been in a long time. I need to get my happy back, and I'm not sure what to do to get it there, but I will get there...if it kills me. Ok, that's extreme, I don't want to die...the MS is already got that on lock, bastard autoimmune disease from hell.


Monday, August 8, 2016

Insomnia and Migraines, What a Twisted Web They Weave

Do you ever randomly think about things that have nothing to do with anything you're doing, they just kinda happen? 

Kinda like in *Empire Records...."who knows where thoughts come from, they just appear".-Lucas

Like today, my thoughts.....why do they make mascara tubes so big if you're supposed to throw them away every 3 months?

I think my brain is broken.

*if you haven't seen Empire Records, you're doing something wrong with your life. Handle that shit, immediately. 

Thursday, July 7, 2016

I Sometimes Wonder....

I needed a place to post all my stuff....the stuff that gets in my head and sits there and eats at me daily. It's not always important, and it's rarely ever that profound, but it's stuff...stuff I need to say.

Take today, for instance. I haven't been sleeping well, if at all. I battle migraines, and I constantly battle my MS, and I just couldn't do it another day, so I called in to work. I slept most of the day, feeling guilty that I had called in, read some comic books because my constant migraine and fatigue has made me woefully behind on my reading....don't judge me, comic books are awesome, and DC just restarted all their lines, essentially calling it "Rebirth", which means I have even more shit to read. I read some, I napped some, but have I got caught up on anything, no....I did eat a shit ton of cheese puffs though, so I definitely have that going for me. 

So, basically, I wasted a day off where I could have caught up on a ton of things, and got caught up on none of them. 

I say it all the time, and some asshole already named their blog "I Need An Adult", so I couldn't.....but seriously, I need an adult.

So here we have it, my first post, and I still don't know the answer...

Seriously, who's in charge of me?